I wake up and my immediate thought is… how much longer can I lie here before facing civilization? I don’t want to join the human race today. I’m not ready. At least never before I have my morning coffee and bakery. I love bakery. Like Chinese and Italian, I’ve made it a proper adjective. Security Question: What is your favorite food? Answer: Bakery. (Looks like I’ll be changing that…) I especially like bagels. I think I have had a bagel every day of my life since the age of four. It’s a creepy dependency. A security blanket of bread and toppings that wraps around me. When I was little I would wonder if there were bagels in Heaven. I thought, if only I can have an onion bagel with butter and cream cheese every day for eternity, I will be all right. Some days, it’s the only motivation I have to act like an adult. Right before I’m consciously awake a bagel dances across my mind singing “come get me you carb loving glutton.” Okay, okay, I’m getting up. Oh, but how I hate getting in my car and merging with the rest of the world. I hate mornings.
“Why don’t you just make your own coffee and bagel at home then?” Umm because. It’s my routine. I’m always impressed and disgusted with morning people. They taunt me, setting the bar for standards of health and accomplishment I can’t ever reach. Why are you jogging in the street? In the rain? In 30 degree weather? At 7 am? I bet they don’t eat Bakery for breakfast. I think everyone weird I have ever met must be a morning person or doesn’t eat carbs. These people are drawn to me, giving me an encyclopedia of awkward everyday encounters. To be with me in life, you have to know two things, the first being don’t ever call me before 9:00 AM and the second being don’t ever criticize my love for bakery. The people that can follow these rules are the people I can share my stories and weirdness with. Entertained by my life, a friend once asked,
“I die to know what a day in the life is like”
“Well,” I answered, “It begins with a bagel.”
Welcome to my literary smorgasbord. Here, I’m going to write articles about silly things, stupid things, helpful things, and things that matter.
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