the dog whistle: avoiding your ex after you’ve moved on

The single girls guide to avoiding your ex boyfriends.
Getting on your feet and settling into single life is hard. You go through a lot of scary moments when you’re getting over someone and learning how to be on your own again. When you’ve finally reached the days of comfort in your new independence, it is truly something to celebrate. You start sleeping again, eating again, and you even plan a date with someone new. It’s at that very moment that your ex, maybe one, maybe two, maybe ten, starts blowing up your life. Text messages, phone calls, snapchats, DM’s, PM’s, BM’s, wtf is going on?!

I call this the dog whistle. It’s a sound that radiates through the air when you move on that only your ex boyfriends can hear. Their ears perk up and they come running fast and far to see what you’re up to. Not even necessarily to get you back, but to sniff you out and see if their markings are still on you.

Listen closely. No good comes from going backwards. It’s going to feel good for a minute when you realize they’re checking up on you, but you really shouldn’t take the bait. You don’t need to see how they are, you don’t need to rub in their face how good you’re doing now, you don’t need to do anything at all. Really. Nothing at all.

I have always regretted the times I answered because it always goes the same way. I got a message. Feeling I was a new me on a new path gave me the wrong idea that everyone else had changed too, and I answered the message. Conversation ensued and it seemed like a really good idea to meet up with that person. You meet up and guess what happens? You remember why you left his ass. And if he left your ass, you’re going to remember why the “new you” has no business being around someone like him. You might hear statements like “I should have married you,” “You were the one that got away,” “I was so stupid to not realize what I had.” Sound familiar? Don’t do it. They mostly just want a spot to mark their territory on so they can continue running wild.

What happens when you don’t answer? You have more time for new and more positive things to enter your life. Give your rejuvenated attitude to someone that deserves a chance, not someone who already had their chance. Things end for a reason, and if they had been gone long enough for you to be okay without them, then that just may have been one day too long. Pass the test the universe is giving you and be a good friend to yourself by blocking toxic people from your past.

Every time I didn’t answer the dog at my door something good happened. I had more time for salsa lessons, my friends and family, I got more goals accomplished. More importantly, I was always free to be at the right place at the right time to meet someone better.

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More about Erika Lauren

Erika Lauren is a Boston born French girl spending her days as a workin girl and dog mom, and her nights as a nocturnal writer. She's a content creator for The Haute Mess, XOJane, and Email:

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