apparently French-American girls must sweat: this is me joining a gym

I’ve had an unfortunate realization since I wrote the popular article french girls don’t sweat. I am not living in France and my lifestyle is not very European because I am, in fact, American.  *groan* They say your metabolism slows down every seven years. Well, I turned 28 since I wrote french girls don’t sweat, marking my fourth hurdle. I have to say, I’m feeling it. No longer are the days I can lounge around eating bread and butter all day without paying a price (my price is still small but it’s still not free!). I might as well break a mirror every seven years while I’m at it. So, I’m horrified to announce that I joined a gym.

Visit 1 at the gym: I shadowed a friend. We agreed to commit to no longer than twenty five minutes on a treadmill and two minutes in a sauna. The treadmills we chose are in a pitch black air-conditioned “cinema” where we were able to drool over a movie and forget we were actually being active and nobody can see us to judge. We celebrated our victory by going to a local pop-up bakery and asking for one of each type of bread on the shelf. It ended up being free, so we celebrated by sampling cheese and prosciutto over beer at our local Whole Foods. It was the best. day. ever.

Visit 2: I flew solo and committed to the same twenty five minutes on a treadmill. No bakery. No beer.

Visit 3: Repeat of visit 2. I expected this much of me. If I’m too overwhelmed, I’m sure to quit so I figure it’s best to stick to what I know for now.

Visit 4: Repeat of visit 2 plus five minutes in the Women’s Only weight room. This time I actually broke a sweat, and it didn’t smell like jelly munchkins.

My boyfriend says I’ll never get anywhere this way and I’m quick to remind him, “Whoa buddy, I’m not trying to get anywhere. I just need to work out enough so I can eat croissants and chicken nuggets on the reg. I’m good staying right here.” I figure at the very least, all this walking on a treadmill will better prepare me for the miles of walking I’ll do each day in  FRANCE  next month! *screams* Where I plan on going back to not sweating at all for a week. Because French-Americans in France are allowed that sort of luxury.

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More about Erika Lauren

Erika Lauren is a Boston born French girl spending her days as a workin girl and dog mom, and her nights as a nocturnal writer. She's a content creator for The Haute Mess, XOJane, and Email:

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